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More like a headlong run. I can’t connect anymore. People don’t make sense to me. All I know is that loving them can wound me, so it’s better to run. I think I loved Carl. That’s why I drove him away. Better to be the hated ex, the girl who cheated with his best friend, than the girl he fell in and then out of love with. I didn’t want to give him a piece of my heart to take away with him when we separated. Changes happen. People go their separate ways. Should I allow my body and spirit to go their separate ways? The body goes into the oven of course, no burial for me. Why make my relatives pay for a two thousand dollar box for worm fodder? I’d want my ashes to be scattered somewhere nice though. A river. Some place where the air is sweet and you can’t see any buildings through the trees. I want someone to pour a bottle of wine into the water, too, a final send-off as the last earthly bits of me slip downriver to the ocean. Now, as to what happens to the spirit, that’s another. She is too hot now.Maybe ten minutes had passed. i pressed the key card into the lock. but nothing , i tried several times. not working ... huh ? i thought maybe wrong room. No, I couldn’t hear much. So i knocked. No reply. I was frustrated and upset. I pressed my ear against the door. I heard some sounds, maybe the t.v. and the x videos. Sounds of passion. Or my imagination.. 20 minutes maybe now.. Did they forget about me? .. I hoped they hadn’t thought i deliberately left the room ...or something.. Maybe i had the wrong key card. So i tried the room next door. worked. Geeez.. i had picked up the wrong card. So i went in. and laid down my stuff. I listened against the adjoining wall. Same sounds, but I think its alyz moaning. She had always said she would need a room far down the hall....hmmmi called the front desk . they didnt believe me. and also said, that i took both cards. they dont have backup. have to wait to return the cards to reprogram and they do that in the morning. i.
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