I don’t know what went on in his mind but one thing for sure is that he wasn’t bothered about what Carol got out of it, or maybe he thought he was so good that she was bound to be pleased.It ought to have made me feel safe that all he was interested in was sex rather than love, or even any semblance of affection. Carol could have been a lump of meat as far as he was concerned. Only one thing surprised me— he kept going a lot longer than I expected.Maybe I shouldn’t have watched, I could have taken a shower, or recorded them and watched TV at the same time. I was tempted to turn on the TV and play it loud, be an obnoxious neighbour. If I’d had a sound track of a couple having sex I could have played that, only louder than them. And then it occurred to me that I did have exactly the right thing.The camera under the bed, which was not recording anything visual was making a detailed recording of every thud on the mattress, every creak of the bed springs and every grunt that Eddie made,. I was lonely and miserable and just learned that my wife had an affair. I started wondering if maybe there wasn't someone else out there who could love me." And?" And she realized that that was not in my best interest. Also she felt that my attraction to her would jeopardize my development. So she recommended you." Okay, so nothing came out of this?" Mike questioned."No. Nothing at all. Except a deep respect for someone exceptional in your profession," Ray replied."This is the first that Dana has heard about the physical abuse you suffered as a child?" Yes." So what is the far reaching impact that those experiences may have had to your personality now?" I learned to protect myself. I learned that I needed to not get angry or too happy because that would set him off. I learned that I needed to hide everything that I liked. He could be a mean drunk and break things just because he knew I liked them. I learned that I didn't want to be like him. I learned that crying doesn't always make.
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