” “Great, “she said and clicked her pen. She had taken her shoes off – pointed-toe, leather mules, size six. Her feet were dangling limply a few inches off the floor, and looked very small, almost childish. They were not moving at all. I thought that her restlessness was entirely channeled into her hands. I heard the pen click again and smiled. For a moment I peered at the gentle curve of her instep and the pinkish heel, visible through the stocking. Then, I moved on to the next screw. I heard a slight creak and saw that the chair was turning. Her toes rubbed against my hand, and I pulled back with a start, banging my head against the desk. “Ooh!” I moaned. “What’s going on? Do you need some help?” she chirruped. “No. I know what I’m doing,” I said after a short hesitation. I reached out for her ankle and caressed it, at first shyly, then more confidently. She didn’t move, nor did she say anything, as if she wanted to encourage me. My hand moved up and started to massage her. ‘This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?’‘Sure, ‘ she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The Reverend realized that she’d had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.The pub landlord looked over and said, ‘Oi Mate, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this pub.’The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, ‘But you don’t understand, I’m Pastor Flapps.’The landlord nodded and said, ‘Oh well, if you’re that far in, you might as well finish.’This one is compliments of J & BSEX and GRAMMAROn his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation.
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