The door is already open. He never closed it last night. Sitting down in the seat, he looks into the rearview to see her face through the back windshield. With a frown he says, “Everywhere I go I see your face. Every sound I hear if the sound of your voice. Why can’t I let you go?”He drops his eyes and reaches over to pop open the glove compartment. “Everything about me is a lie. At least it seems that way when I look in your eyes. The truth scares the shit out of me. Whoever said love is real and love is blood has never felt the way that I do. What does it matter? What’s done is done and I should get on with my life.”Pulling out a set of dangling earrings in the shape of a cross, he chuckles to himself, thinking of how it never saved her. “Well, I don’t know what it means, but I can’t seem to make myself forget. Was it something that you said? Was it all the guilt inside my head?” He looks up again into the mirror and finds her in the backseat. “Why are you haunting me?”“Because of. ” I continued to feed crockery to her. “It sure wasn’t anything to do with me not wanting to ask you, or never wanting to find out of you didn’t want to date.” Now she stood up and giggled. “Okay, let me count the double negatives in that sentence and figure out if that’s a good thing or not. I’ll get back to you.” I thought about it as I watched her cram a final few items into the dishwasher. The dilemma was whether to go there or not. How much did I want to find out… both about then, and now? In the end my instinct took over and the words came out, almost without consciousness, “There’s something been bugging me for years, too.” “Yes?” She placed a cleaning tablet in the dispenser and closed the door. “What’s that?” She switched the appliance on, reached for the wine bottle, and started to refill our glasses. I followed her back to the sofa and tried to find the right words. “Well, do you remember… at a New Year’s party your folks had, one time, probably the last one before you.
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