When he didn'tcontinue I merely nodded again and started thinking about tonight'sbaseball game."You don't believe me and that's okay, Penelope." I didn't think himcalling me Penelope was funny. At least I certainly didn't get it at themoment."My name isn't Penelope, dickwad, it's Peter. And don't be such a dick."That weird smile never faltered though."Are you sure your name isn't Penelope?" I looked right in his eye andeven leaned a little forward in the recliner as I replied that itwasn't."Well then, why are you wearing heels?" I didn't need to look as I knewexactly what I was wearing that day. My black stilletos. "I just likewearing heels, that's all. You've never commented on me wearing heelsbefore." He nodded at that, seeming thoughtful for the moment, althoughthat stupid grin was still there. Then I realized I don't remember everwearing stilettos before. But that was impossible since I love them somuch I wear them everywhere."So I should call you Peter?" No, man. That's not my. ” He grasped my hand. “I care for you, Mutti cares for you – your mother cares for you. You are not alone.” With each statement, he squeezed my hand in emphasis.“But you are leaving me for Lili,” I said softly. “And if you go, so will Mutti Frida, and my mother is not enough.” Tears started down my cheeks, loosed by the ineffable sadness suffusing me.I saw Col stiffen. “You were going to ... to kill yourself, weren’t you?”I couldn’t look at him.“Because I have another friend?”I could hear the anger building in his voice.“A person can have more than one friend. How can you be so stupid, so ... so selfish?” He looked at me, his expression changing. “If that’s who you are, I’m not sure that I want you as a friend.” He stood up, anger suffusing his face. “Here’s your knife, then. Get on with it.”He tossed the knife on the ground at my feet and stormed off towards his house.I leaned back against the tree, eyes closed and my old brain started berating me. God, I was being unbelievably.
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