Mother Genevieve allowed such asceticism not, calling it only self love in guise, and as ever she proved in the right. Lilac needed such guidance now, but could not face the abbess who had reared her as tenderly as any true mother. She felt confounded in a web of chaos and sin, one wrong besetting another upon her. Lust led to carnal actions, carnal actions showed she kept not to her duty as she had struggled to do since arriving, defying the order of the world yielded only despair, and pride kept her from penitence and its comfort. Just as well Lent would soon be upon the world, all her joy had vanished. She had thought herself lusting on Lord Reynard long, as it appeared now he did on her, and they seemed on the point of bedding each other and driving it from their minds anon when she realized her heart had betrayed her and she could not. She did wish him near her for the rest of her days. Lust would have burned itself out, she knew, and still would on his part. Mayhap before last. He looked a bit bothered by something, so once Id stopped gazing into space I went and sat directly opposite and held his hands inside mine. Hey hey, whats wrong baby I asked, gently squeezing his wrist. Callum raised his head but didnt look me in the eye. I just&hellip, I just like you so much James he said, still staring into his lap I like you so much that, like, if he came in and saw me just then.. I dont think I wouldve even cared Callum was now looking me straight in the eye. Would you.. stop seeing me if someone found out about this? I suddenly felt like the biggest cunt in the world. Because I dont want to lose you now Callum said, forcing his hands out of my grasp and wrapping them around my neck as he hugged me. I was speechless. As Callum hugged me I pressed my eyes tightly shut and opened my mouth to say something, but the words just wouldnt come out. How dare I make him feel like this was all I could think to myself, he was the best thing in my life. Listen to me.
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