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In fact a new body and life only helps to hammer in more deeply the biggest pain life gives you. In life it is very, very hard to be who you are, society tries to shape you into whom it wants you to be instead. Society says that men don?t cry and that ladies shouldn?t raise their voice. Society tries to stomp out our emotions and kill who we really are. After being changed it is worse, much worse. You see after being changed you stay who you are in your mind. Twenty something years of personal history is very hard to throw away over night. There is no magic to wearing girl's clothes, or to sex, or to hormones. Heck, ask any scientist, hormones may amplify emotions but they do not create them or control them. With time you do adapt to the change, but adaptation does not mean you love it. You keep your old mind but have to act like someone else to survive. It makes the oppression of day to day life much worse. I step off the bus onto my driveway and walk up to my house, I go inside and. "Just what we are giving up here," I replied with a sigh, and then said, "Let's go shopping after we finish." Ok, what do you want to buy?" Jane asked as she took a bite of her pizza."I don't know yet, but will know it when I see it," I said.We finished eating and started walking around the stores. The first place we stopped was an electronic store and I went through all the mini cams that were weatherproof and surveillance systems. I quickly cleaned them out along with some remote control aircraft and helicopters that we could use for checking out the area. The owner said he could have them boxed up for us and ready to go by the back door if we wanted.Jane went into several stores on her own, while I was in Borders books and dropped a bundle on books to be picked up. I was particularly looking for self-help books on items like concrete, canning, skinning animals, harvesting wild grains and stuff that I didn't know how to do. I also cleaned them out of books on ancient and modern.
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