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And I was left here, at a dead end road, with no map to continue on. I wanted so desperately to be filled by something, a sense of purpose, a cock, even the impossible. I settled for cheap alternatives, and retired to my room with my largest dildo, to fuck myself into harsh oblivion for the second night in a row.I masturbated for a long time, having small, yet ever-building orgasms. Eventually, my fantasies drifted again to the man from the restaurant. I imagined the dildo was his cock filling my cunt, moving slowly in and out, as he made love to me. My orgasm built, sending shudders throughout my body as I/he rammed the dildo/his cock into me. My cunt clenched, and I let out a piercing yell as I came.Relaxed, I drifted off to heavy sleep.Once again I woke to the screeching of my buzzer. I was rubbed raw, and the dildo lay between my legs, sticky with my own juices. "I've got to stop doing this," I said to myself, as I rubbed my eyes, trying to wake up and clear my head. It had been. I rolled out of bed and almost collapsed sidewaysinto the wall as I landed on the heels that I'd forgotten I was wearing.I tottered to the bathroom, too desperate to piss to take the time tounstrap myself from my shoes. I caught a glimpse of myself in themirror, and the shame flashed through me again. Make-up was smearedacross my face, a mess from sleeping in it, still wearing lingerie anddangling earrings like the world's worst, least convincing drag queen.After relieving myself, I struggled out of out my girlie gear, and thentackled my make-up and tacky press-on manicure. An hour, and half abottle of nail-polish remover later, I'd finally gotten back to being aboy, or my imitation of one. My pile of girl shit went into the closetin a ball, treating it badly was the best revenge I could get on myselffor my behavior last night, meager as it was.Showered and dressed, and I was just throwing some deodorant on when Isaw the pill bottles, the feminizing drugs that had triggered my.
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