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"Perfect." I throw my makeup bag back under the sink and I stand up on one foot again. I lunge to get the door open and I bang my head on the wall earning a harsh curse. I twist the doorknob and the door swings open. I bite the inside of my cheek as I throw both of my arms out to grip the walls, pain spiriting up my arm. "Can I have an ice pack please?" I ask, hopping down the hall to the kitchen where each band member is. My eyes roam from Eli, who is behind the stove, as well as Jeremy beating his fingers on his thigh. Danny, who is hunched over the table, his hand moving furiously across the pieces of paper scattered around the table top. Then lastly is Luke, who is staring at me with hurt flickering in his eyes. I offer a small smile but in return, I see his head turn to the side. "Thank you so much, Eli," I say, my voice cracking and I hop over to him. I wrap one arm around him as the other is on the refrigerator to hold my balance. "Don't worry about it. You cook for us all the. Ha, ha, HA!"Then, in the depths of despair and self-hatred, the realization struck her. Someone once had professed love for her ... even if it had been a malicious lie. Arlene, in the guise of Val, had spoken words of love. That was enough. There had to be a certain compelling logic in I love you that transcended the boundaries of intention. It was a magic powerful enough to break down barriers and open floodgates.Let's assume that part of the problem is my perception of myself. I am nothing without the approval of others. Nothing.What's the mirror image of that? I am myself, and sufficient unto myself. I need no one and nothing.Go a step further. Arlene (that little shit!) gave me the key. She was only the first of many who will award me love. But her successors will mean it. I accept from you, Arlene, the gift of being loved, the realization that I'm worthy of being loved. Even if your intent was twisted, you did utter that fateful word -- love. I herewith reclaim it from you.There.
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