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“Cherry, can you fart a ‘W’ without pushing out a turd? If you aren’t sure, I want you to prepare yourself properly by positioning your bathroom plate first. Preparation is an important part of your training. None of this, ‘fly blind and hope for the best’, shit.”“What the hell is a bathroom plate?” Chester wanted to know, looking at his mom as if SHE’D know. Kelly just shrugged and looked at me with a raised eyebrow and one corner of her open mouth turned up. It made her look like the actress in the Smash Mouth music video when they sing about the girl who isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. I don’t remember the name of the song yet that look was imprinted in my memory.You should have seen the look Cherry gave me! Her head tilted and her eyes grew large. Without words, she seemed to be asking me, ‘As if farting on command isn’t enough, you want me to take a shit in front of my sister and nephew too?’ My response was a stony glare that made her shoulders sag and the corners of her. It helps that my male inhibitions seem tohave disappeared along with my meat and two veg, so that I?m able to puton make-up or step into a skirt without wanting the ground to open upbeneath my feet. I can also tolerate a much higher degree of physicalcontact from both sexes, though any illusions I might once have had aboutdabbling in the sapphic arts vanished as my libido gradually dwindled tothe point of non-existence; the island of lusty lesbians I fantasisedabout during the initial stages of my adjustment has long since lost itsallure. Whether this is a permanent condition or merely a transitionalphase which will end with my predecessor?s sexuality reasserting itself isa question I?m praying remains unanswered.Most of her habits, tastes and preferences will eventually become yours.Thanks for the warning, Suki. Now when the hell are you going to get meout of here?Fourteen weeks, and still no?Pack it in!You?re not going to change anything by fretting over it.I rise from the chair,.
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