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She said you tellher then. That is what I did.I said to her that she knew that we were having a lot of problems lastyear. I said that I was very depressed, was abusing myself byovereating, started to feel ill and was going on towards a probableheart attack. I was also getting very bad tempered and would not havebeen long before I started to become violent. She said that she hadnoticed and was worried about it but things started to improve, exceptshe was concerned about the amount of weight that I had lost.I said it was due to a condition that I had suffered from birth. I askedher if she had heard of transsexualism. She said she had and that iseven though you are male you feel female. I said that she is basicallycorrect and said that is my problem. The suppression over all my lifehad become intolerable and when her daughter became disabled this addedthe extra problem of feeling trapped. Transsexualism cannot be cured bytherapy only making the body fit the mind. The mind cannot be. Even if that woman happens to be your wife. So if my honey says "no", I back off. Besides, I'm not sure I could even make it with someone who was just lying there passively. Nothing turns me on more than a partner who is turned on herself.But unfortunately my wife has been saying "no" quite consistently for a long time now. Have I thought about looking elsewhere to satisfy my needs? You bet I have, but it's only been thoughts. As I said, I love my wife. I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt her, or to chance destroying our marriage. Nor would I want to threaten such a thing to persuade her to give in to me. That would still be rape in my eyes.I kept trying to find some way to get out of this dilemma, and I finally came up with an idea that was quite unconventional, but might have a chance of succeeding. The idea was to trick her into having an affair with someone else. That could solve my problem in any of a number of ways. It might be that once someone got her fires stoked she.
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