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"I laughed uneasily and carried on "sometimes I imagine you pissing over me or even you know over me" "no I don't know tell me you dirty boy what you mean " I said fixing her gaze "shitting on me Jane " she looked at me in what I thought was disgust and said "you sick basterd does my sister shit and piss on you then? " "no no no she doesn't she'd think I was sick to" Jane looked at me sternly I looked down at her breaststroke and strangely her nipples were poking through her purple blouse I looked back up at her face and we fixed each others stare yet again Jane drew in a breath and started "my breasts are 36b in size they do sag slightly I'm 46 years old with two k**s my nipples are long as I think you may have just seen when you looked down.my hair as you know is dyed mousy blonde my pubes are dark brown and with being 46 there are quite a few grey ones.I am unshaven and let it grow naturally I also don't shave my armpits so I'm hairy under there too.I'm also after this wine we've. "German," she replies."Occupation?"No, just here for a few days."As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.Then I remembered – the local cafe serve breakfast until 11.30."Jesus Loves You."Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.Got caught.
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