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I could feel her soft nipples against my side, the scratchy texture of her pubic hair as it settled across my leg. We lay there for some time, in a silence that wasn’t quite comfortable, but was somewhere very close. “Gabe?” She whispered to me.“Yeah.” I almost said Hun, but didn’t. I cursed myself inwardly for it, calling myself a damn coward.“Do you love me?” Her voice was a whisper, and it cracked as she asked me her question.Fuck. There was a hidden subtext there, and I knew what her question subtly meant. She was trying to tell me that she had feelings for me, but didn’t want to say she loved me if I wasn’t going to say it back, or worse yet, if I was going to lie to her. I felt like a piece of shit. I had just taken her virginity, a 14 year old girl who thought she was in love with me. I wasn’t that much older than her, still far closer to my 17th birthday than to my 18th, but I was still supposed to be the more mature of the two of us. I felt like I was using her…Did I love. Fellows keeps telling us that you're refusing treatment. Why won't you at least let us come visit you? We're all sick with worry about you. You were doing so well, and then you just quit trying. If Emily leaves, I think Brenda will too." Joyce, I'm sorry about what's happening. There isn't anything I can do though. Maybe it's for the best if they all leave. It doesn't look like anything is going to change here. I can't accept the risk of having my other identity become the dominant one if we integrate together. I don't know what I'd be like when it was finished." You can't just give up and stay sick for the rest of your life, Kenny. Let the doctor help you like you planned. If it ends up that you're too changed, we can make other decisions then." It will be too late for me then, Joyce. Whoever I am when this integration thing is complete will be who I'm stuck with forever. I don't want to be like him. I won't be like him. I know him now, and he scares me. I hate that he's a part of.
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