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” he was almost whispering, his mouth in my ear. His breath felt good on my ear, good and hot. It felt sexy. Stop that, I thought, stop thinking like that. He’s your kid. Stop it.I couldn’t, though. I just melted in his arms.He continued to whisper. “Mom,” he said. “We love each other. We are all we have. We are all we need. Whatever we do for love is right, is good. There’s nothing bad about love, nothing wrong. How could there be? Doesn’t this feel right?”He paused, and I hiccuped, not sure what to say. I felt like I knew where he was going with this, but I was powerless to stop him.“Mom...” he finally said. “Let me love you. Let’s do the right thing, let’s do what we both want. Let me love you.”He pulled his face back, and kissed me again. This time, for reasons I’m still not sure of, I didn’t pull back. He was right, I thought, this is right. Well, it’s not right ... but it was what we both wanted ... I had to admit it to myself. I wanted it more than anything in the world. I knew. In jeopardy for my own life, I had to endure nameless tortures, unspeakable violations, and always, always would wake up, sheets soaked in sweat, and the musk of my own arousal redolent in my bedroom.I tried to fantasize, to imagine me and Richard in the same setting, but it wasn’t just the same. ?Bananas? the safe word always hung in the balance. The difference glared: I could stop it, anytime I wanted. And I always wanted.This brings us to the night in question. After dinner, we watched TV. Richard had a scotch; I knew what I wanted to say, but lacked the courage; I made a pitcher of cosmos, and had four of them, my limit is two. I was so anxious that, even with the four drinks under my belt, I wasn’t sure I would go through with it. When he went to bed, I stumbled to the bathroom and then joined him. We did not make love that night; well, not at first.?Richard,? I said before he fell asleep, ?when you tie me up and, you know, spank or whip me???Huh???You can forget about safe,.
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