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As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.One of the women shouted to him,“We’re not coming out until you leave!”The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”Holding the bucket up he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”Old men can still think fast.Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator. While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.The first guy says, “I’m a Y.U.P.P.I.E., you know... ‘Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.’”The second guy says, “I’m a D.I.N.K.Y., you know... ‘Double Income, No Kids Yet.’”The third guy says, “I’m a R.U.B., you know... ‘Rich, Urban, Biker.’”The fourth guy says, I am a D.I.L.D.O., you know... ‘Double Income, Little Dog Owner.’”They turn to the woman and ask her.. . What are you?"Deuce smiled a little, at once patronizing as well as fatherly. "It is not what I am that should be of concern to you. The more pertinent question is — what are YOU?"Gregg had recently seen the movie "Dogma" and was fully expecting Deuce, who had a strong resemblance to Alan Rickman in both physical appearance as well as voice, to drop his pants and spread his wings. The image should have made him smile, but the all too real possibility of it happening made him nervous. "I'm ... I'm just a teacher." Gregg, Gregg, Gregg. Haven't you figured out that you're more than that yet? You have been given this amazing gift, and still you rely on the strength of others to pull you through. You're like the United States with the most bad-ass military on the planet, but you're content to let Luxemburg fight your battles for you! When Heather's buddy Vinnie showed up, you were less than useless." I ... I couldn't protect them — it happened so fast!" It shouldn't have happened at all!.
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