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Ran back to her room without a word of explanation. And then she leaves early this morning.What? She's ashamed? What? She can only touch me, only kiss me when it's dark and the middle of the night? Like I'm her little guilty treat? Like I'm her little fucking experiment?I loosen my fist, crescent-shaped nail marks in my palm, and sigh. I'm pissed at her, yeah, but I know it's not like that. I have to believe it's not like that. I have to believe she wouldn't do that to me. And it's my fault really. I can't expect things to go like they do in the movies. Well, some movies. Girl meets girl, girl confesses love, girl gets girl. It's how it should be, and it is – but in the most fucked up way possible. I've got her, but it's in the middle of the night, and only for a moment. A moment she's ashamed of.And is it better that something's happened? That she hasn't come out and said, 'No, I'm straight. You disgust me, and I hate you.' Would that be better? Would it hurt less?Maybe. Because. Even wearing schooluniforms. **********************Tuesday August 25 was also a key day which I recorded for posterity in mydiary. On opening my school case for 6th period (straight after lunch) Ifound a small wrapped gift inside of it. Being careful to stay unobservedby Margo sitting next to me I looked at it hypnotically for around 30seconds before closing the bag and carefully looking around for some boylooking at me.To the sound of "Steph" being quietly hissed at me by Margo I turned backand looked shamefaced at Mr Lennox's staring inquisitively at me. With ablush I put my bag down and stared red faced at my desk whiledistractedly moving my books around on it.At the end of that period I slowly took my time about packing up for mynext class and carefully tore off the wrapping paper around the gift. Ondoing this I discovered inside was a box of Roses chocolates (yummy) anda small hand written note which I clumsily tried to read without anyoneseeing me. The note was asking if I'd.
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