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It was an erotic picture and he wondered if he was getting strong feelings for her. He admitted to himself that he really missed her when she wasn’t with him.After she left for the television studio he showered, shaved and dressed. His driver took him to his office at the Pentagon.He was at his desk reading various intelligence reports when his aide came in to Hal’s office.“Sir the President’s Chief of Staff called to say that the President wants to receive a briefing from you next week.”“You know the drill, schedule the usual people and have them give me their presentations two days before.”“Sir, that’s not what the President wants. The Chief of Staff said the President wants to speak to with you one on one with no formal presentation.”“Okay, put this meeting on my schedule. Tell the department heads I want to speak individually with them two days before about what are the most pressing things in their area of responsibility and what their suggestions are. I don’t want formal. She does not approve. She warned me that Howard would never accept it. She can't understand why I would want to cheat on him. She sees him as the perfect husband. She's right of course. He is perfect. Too perfect.Why am I so hell-bent on self-destruction? Why do I think I can have my wonderful husband and another man on the side? I don't understand myself. It's not like I haven't had the experience of other men before Howard and I met. I know the difference. I know how much better Howard is than other men. What is driving me to the edge of this cliff?Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I do need psychiatric help. Maybe it does have to do with menopause. Too many questions. Too much confusion. I won't solve these questions lying in bed. It was time to get up and shower. Eat something. Think about what I want to say tonight. Be prepared. Don't let Howard get the upper hand again.I made it through the day. I lay down after lunch and slept for almost two hours. I felt better for it. But I could feel.
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