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Gina lived a few doors away, but it seemed as if she was always at our house. She and my older sister Charlene enjoyed playing with Sharon and me, and they usually made me be the baby, or the puppy or whatever else they wanted me to be. Sharon would be part of their world, and I was the object of their attention and experiments. It was as if I had no identity except for the one they happened to give me for the moment or the day. I was the toy, the plaything, the dress-up doll, whatever they invented or imagined. I couldn’t get enough of it. It was attention, and as the middle c***d in a family without many resources and a mom who was absent a lot of the time working to keep us alive, I was starving for the affection and care of these older girls. The fact that I had a penis was a source of real fun for them. Mom didn’t know how many times they pulled and poked and slapped it when they were making me be whatever they wanted, and I doubt she cared. They put me in diapers when I was. I graduated at nineteen, a full year late because of the many “vacations” from school I took moving around. I might have been my classes Valedictorian at two different high schools, but fate intervened twice there. That taught me to ignore what I could not affect.Growing up stability was my grandparents, whom I visited in Florida every summer. When I was 19 I wanted stability, so I did something different, I picked a place and stayed there for over thirty years. I earned my MBA from the same U as my BA, and lived in a suburb of that same city while working for a big corporation. I mentioned being attracted to older successful men like my father. Well I think that most of us, we sow the seeds of our own destruction.He was plenty “kinky” and adventurous when I met him at 25, he was recently divorced and 45. The irony here is that right now he is his ex-wife back then. She didn’t like me, but I know from him she wasn’t a bad person, she was a good mother to his two kids with her who had.
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