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But the pain was still there, no, not physical. All emotional and raw. Sobs racked my body, and I just felt pathetic. I slapped my hands against the bedspread in anger. Moving through pain to immature thoughts of anger, of revenge. I’d tell everyone who’d listen what a complete whore Melody Rogers was. That would teach her. Guys get high-fives for having sex. Girls get looked down on. Not fair? No, it isn’t fair. But neither is getting your heart broken at 14 by a ... a whore. Who was I kidding? She kept no secrets as it was. Everyone already knew we were sexually active. What would lashing out in anger accomplish anyway?But that’s not really me anyway, and I knew it. Back to sad and pathetic. Come Monday, we’d be broken up and I’d leave it for the rumor mill to figure it out. I’d be just fine. I’m sure I’d find someone else. Eventually. For now, I felt like shit. I let her do it to me again. It was the end of fifth grade all over again, only ten times worse.Why would I let her break. It's not what turnsme on, it's not what I want....it's not what I want' ...... my wordstaper out to nothing. Silence. 10 seconds probably but it feels like 10hours. Finally she speaks 'I know....I've known......for so long"almost murmured, hushed. "Go......get out of my bedroom John....sleepin the spare room" I try to plead 'but Wendy" " just go John, go, now,please". I slowly rise to my feet, I can't face her, I can't talk toher, head lowered, eyes downcast, tears tumbling, I leave our bedroom,her bedroom, and wonder, oh god, what have I just done.Strange dreams haunt my fractured sleep. We are at a party or functionof some sort. I see Karen and Alan, chatting casually, happily, as theyboth sip champagne. Karen looks fabulous in a very short ThorntonBregazzi ruched gold sequinned dress and matching shimmering courtheels, her slim legs glistening in the sheer nude Woolford tightssoftly caressing them. They seem physically close which I find amusinggiven Karen's dissatisfaction with.
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