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? I would only find my true self if she was here, and nobody knew.So why do I tell you?? Because a secret can be a heavy burden.? Some people might call me sick, or a pervert, or evil, but these words are irrelevant when put up against the power of the treasure, of the secret.? She might have once come willingly to me, but that would not have counted.? She needed to be made unwilling, made scared, made something other than human.? She might feel that she was being degraded, but really she was being upgraded – made greater through her presence in my life, in the same way that my life was made better through her presence.Desire is a strange thing.? For some things – indeed, for some people – once we have an item, then we tire of it.? It is the chase that is the thrill.? I used to be like that, until my treasure came to me.? That chase was always tedious and frustrating, finding just the right time to attack her after she left work, getting the van with tinted windows organized, having. Bud had been silently insistent on an immediate practice session. Other than a desire for a bit of time searching the internet for possible first date activities, Cooper and I were eager as well."Remember that sense of focusing beyond focus," he reminded us as we settled into our now familiar spot on the cavern floor. "You must strive for an ever smaller focus point. Right now your sense is dancing around the molecules, not quite able to lock on them, but before you can lock on a larger object, you must be able to lock on an individual molecule within it."Easier said than done apparently, as we once again spent several hours chasing our sense of focus in and out and around a not quite grasped 'something' that seemed just out of reach. We did this with our eyes closed, sitting cross-legged on the floor. I expected to feel stiff when we finally stopped, but this young body was a lot more resilient than the old one I had so recently worn.Cooper and I might have felt discouraged if it.
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