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Mary has one major flaw - she has a very low tolerance for alcohol, three drinks can have her semi-comatose, and so I have to keep a very close eye on her at parties.My last trip included one of these parties and as usual Mary had too much to drink, but she is fun when she is 'giddy' so I switched her to ginger ale and kept an eye on her. At the end of the party we returned to our hotel and Mary talked me into stopping at the hotel bar. We took a table near the back and placed our order. We were on our second drink when I was paged for a phone call. I got up and went to the wall phone to take the call and fortunately from where the phone was I could see our table. The call was from one of my most important customers and getting him to sign an agreement was the sole purpose for this trip so there was no way I could just tell him I would call him later. From the phone I watched a guy approach our table and talk to Mary. She got up and moved to the dance floor with him and following the. It reminded me also of other things… of former lovers who’d smoked, it was a little comforting to have that connection, even if it were for so brief an instant. The wind seemed to smoke the cigarette for me while I contemplated… it certainly didn’t give me as much time to think as the last cigarette… but that was just as well. I finally patted the cigarette out on my hand, cursing myself for not having the strength to just grind the cherry against my palm the way I had last time… yet a part of me was thankful that I hadn’t actually reached the state of numbness that allowed me to do that without really feeling it. I unbuttoned my sleeve, & spent some time fingering the scars on my arm where I’d branded myself that other night. My ‘reminders’… the words NO ONE on my left arm, & ALONE on my right ankle… intended in fits of self anger to protect me from this… & remind me of my place in the world. They were a couple months old now, & I wondered again if they needed to be renewed..
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