I love mustard.I had no napkin.I licked it off.It was not mustard.No man ever put a baby down faster.It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding out.With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, “Now you know why they call that fancy mustard Poupon”.When you stop laughing, pass it on.This one is from John A.No one believes seniors ... everyone thinks they are senile.An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Jerry had carved I love you, Sally.On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up. Of course, we didn’t call ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend back then, that didn’t start until we were about 8 years old, when Julie blurted it out to a cousin one day. The cousin said something mean to me and Julie replied, “Leave him alone, he’s my boyfriend”That was the first I knew about it.Pretty soon our parents had picked up on that and started referring to us as if we were married already. The would always ask Julie where her “hubby” was, and after they explained to her what a hubby was, she started calling me that as well. By default, Julie became “wifey”, it was cute.As we got older, hubby and wifey started to wear off. We both had other friends now and at ten or eleven years old, the opposite sex was taboo. You did not admit to knowing them, let alone liking them. So, telling people that Julie was my “wifey” would have been the source of endless ridicule. Thus, the nicknames became a personal private secret between us.High SchoolThe year we both turned fourteen, Julie.
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