Not with Brad. None of it was stable. But I, who had once been celebrated for decisiveness and initiative, had no desire, no intention, no will to make a change. I did not even know what change I wanted. Which was real: the person I had seemed to be all my life, who excelled at school and work, or the person I was with Brad? The only indicator was that I remained passive. One evening though, half hysterically, I did confront Brad. We were in his suite at the Meridian in Boston. I was half dressed. He was bending over his laptop. His back toward me, attaching the cable from his digital camera, with which he had just taken several pictures of me with my hand up my cunt–something which I frankly said was impossible, but changed my mind when he showed me photographs of other women doing so, declared that what anyone else could do I could do, and asked if I wanted him to have Jefferson help open me up. The shots had been from the neck down. ‘There,’ he said, straightening and turning.. ..'Monday, four.'Tuesday, five.'Wednesday, six.'Thursday, seven ... and that's the soonest.'AARRGGHH ... if I test positive, and there's the best reason in the world for that to happen, it's two WEEKS from yesterday before I can possibly find out ... and if it's TEN DAYS ... oh shit! No! ... Wait ... Legal Holiday ... the mail won't leave here until TUESDAY!!! NO!!! Next week is already a goner.'Erase all that Bill and do it again.'I did it twice. The first time was too awful to believe. The second check was the same as the first.If the mail was deposited and left Armadillo on Tuesday, it goes to the nearest Processing and Distribution Center It might go there by airplane or truck or both, then it goes to a Hub and Spoke setup and maybe by air or truck to the closest Processing and Distribution Center to Austin and is trucked to the local post office listed by Zip Code. The mail is picked up by the fella we curse when things are late ... the Mail Carrier ... and he brings it to YOU,.
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